Down for the count.

There is a lovely woman in my congregation who comes every Sunday.

She is always dressed immaculately.

She stands at the back, rigid and unmoving. Her walk looks carefully calculated.

She has "back problems."

And I've looked at her sometimes and thought "Man, that has to be hard."

Then, this morning, I leaned over to help Thing 2 get on his jeans, and my back said "If I could get your attention for a minute, and please don't take this personally, I just wanted let you know that I'm going on strike. My lawyers will be in touch."

Agony and curses.

So, after one day, I can now tell you that you use your lower back for:

bending,

lifting,

twisting,

making your legs move,

sitting up,

standing,

and breathing.

Without it, doing those things can be next to impossible.

Who knew?

And so, as a penitent, I just wanted to say to that lady at my church every Sunday:

I can't believe you got dressed.

How did you get your shoes on?!

How do you even get out of bed???

You are a rockstar.

Top 10...

Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear Your Doctor Say...

1. I just don't know what to tell you.
2. I really think we might be able to write a paper on this.
3. Oops.
4. Huh. Well that's weird.
5. Let me check with my medical dictionaries and get back to you.
6. Really? I just figured you knew more about it than I did.
7. My colleagues are gonna freak.
8. Do you know where to get more information on this?
9. Wanna see something cool?
10. Oh my gosh! You have GOT to take a look at this!

All of which I heard at my doctor's office today.

Joy.

Detox.

Earlier this week, before 7:00 in the morning, Thing 2 demanded the following for breakfast:

1. Chocolate
2. Little Chocolate
3. Starbursts
4. Hot dogs

5. Cheese
6. Chocolate
7. Ramen Noodles

All attempts I made at "How about cereal? How about eggs? How about yogurt?" were quickly rebuffed in the strongest terms, using an unearthly, growling voice.

As I tried to convince the two year old of the delicious nature of peaches, I began to realize that we are in desperate need of a junk food "detox" before we enter the Halloween to Christmas Candy Marathon. And when I say "We" I mean "all of us"...or at least those of us that are too short to reach the M&Ms.

Day 1 was tolerable.

Day 2 was a nightmare.

Day 3 resembled a hutu uprising.

Day 4 isn't going so well:

Oh well. There's always tomorrow.