Unedited Life: Monday Morning

• I finally figured out what was causing this insane breakout of teenage nightmare proportions: my anti-wrinkle lotion. Figures.


• I have deep cleaned my house so thoroughly that there's no hope of my regular house ever being clean again. But the insides of all my closets, drawers, and cupboards look awesome. Maybe I'll go live inside one of them.


• As I dragged myself out of bed this morning at 5:30 (even though the clock said 6:30) to drag my 5 year old out of HER bed, in the dark, I thought "Move the clocks forward an hour? Really? WHO'S DUMB IDEA WAS THIS?" The fact that all of us, en masse, will follow along like sheep proves that--together--there is nothing that we can't accomplish. Because we'll do whatever we're told.


• My youngest is 18 months old and just started walking. But I still woke up this morning wearing a maternity shirt and maternity sweats. Boy are they ever comfy!!


• On Saturday, I got to go get "into" some beehives. And guess what? I loved it just as much as I thought I would. It was amazing. These beautiful, graceful creatures buzzing softly around me, covered in pollen, and checking me out just as much as I was checking them out. I held a frame with thousands of bees on it in my two hands and felt not the slightest twinge of fear. Just amazement. Now if I could just get a hedgehog my life would be complete. Hmmm....

Funnies

It's Monday morning. So I need something funny.

Monday: My Unedited Life

Truth. Absolute truth. There is such a thing, you know. And on this Monday morning, part of my absolute truth includes the following:

I gave my son cake for breakfast. Have you discovered Pioneer Woman and her food? She makes bazillions of dollars from her blog, and one of the things she does on said blog (there are several things) is share recipes. And these recipes... oh my. Let's just say that Lane Bryant is happy I discovered these recipes. They induce labor, increase libido, cure cancer, rid your face of fine lines and wrinkles, potty train your children, and pay for their college. I'm pretty sure. My favorite one, so far, is her Grandma Iny's Prune Cake. (Don't knock it til you've tried it.) I made it every weekend for awhile. And this morning, my son got a huge, carmelly slice on his plate. Happy kid, happy mama.

I rearranged our furniture on Friday and, as part of that, we disconnected the antenna. I decided not to reconnect it. No more PBS Kids. Auf wiedersehen, Curious George. Adieu, Sid the Science Kid. Ciao, Super Readers. How I will miss thee. I don't know how I'm going to survive the summer without you. But I always swore that I wouldn't be "that mom"... the one who had the TV on all day. Guess what? I am that mom.

I've decided to give up shampoo. As an experiment. Apparently, you can do a baking soda rinse followed by a honey rinse, and your hair turns into shimmery, shiny loveliness. In other words: not my hair. (Do you think it could make it curly? ) Anyway. It's supposed to take a couple weeks for the oil producers in your head to get the message that you've stopped pouring detergent on them and quit cranking out barrels of oil every day. I can tell I'm about to look like I haven't showered in weeks. Which brings me to my new best friend: hats. I'll let you know how it goes.

My scale doesn't lie. It isn't "off." The battery isn't running out. And my pants didn't shrink in the dryer. Darn the luck. And this despite my steady diet of aspartame.

Wish me luck! *grin*