Upstaged.

We are frantically "staging" our house so that we can put it on the market.

Notice I didn't say "sell it" because, well, who are we kidding?

Anyway.

Part of staging means repainting every single room in our house.

And some furniture.

Saturday, me and my back were still at odds, but we were getting along well enough to help paint one room and spray paint a dresser. What was once an off white and gold reminder of a bygone era was now Pottery Barn white. *chorus of angels singing*

For all of one day.

Which is when Thing 1 christened it. With charcoal drawing pencils.

sigh.

Oh well.

Down for the count.

There is a lovely woman in my congregation who comes every Sunday.

She is always dressed immaculately.

She stands at the back, rigid and unmoving. Her walk looks carefully calculated.

She has "back problems."

And I've looked at her sometimes and thought "Man, that has to be hard."

Then, this morning, I leaned over to help Thing 2 get on his jeans, and my back said "If I could get your attention for a minute, and please don't take this personally, I just wanted let you know that I'm going on strike. My lawyers will be in touch."

Agony and curses.

So, after one day, I can now tell you that you use your lower back for:

bending,

lifting,

twisting,

making your legs move,

sitting up,

standing,

and breathing.

Without it, doing those things can be next to impossible.

Who knew?

And so, as a penitent, I just wanted to say to that lady at my church every Sunday:

I can't believe you got dressed.

How did you get your shoes on?!

How do you even get out of bed???

You are a rockstar.

Falling...

So. Wait. Where was I before my computer ate it??

Oh, yes.

Things to love.

Well, it just so happens that my own true love and I fell in love right smack dab in the middle of the dreariest,

yuckiest,

grayest,

coldest,

drabbest,

longest

time of year.

Which is an unusual blessing of sorts, really.

Because it doesn't matter that my Happy Lamp fell off the counter and got broken, along with my computer. It doesn't matter that we've used up so many school snow days that, from here on our, the kids are supposed to go to school on Saturdays. It doesn't even matter that I'm stuck on a weight loss plateau that would give the Tibetan Plateau a run for it's money. (Google: World's largest plateau.)

Nope.

Because back in 2003, I was in possession of a periwinkle colored parka and a brand new love. December was longing for the phone to ring and hoping it'd be him.

January was holding hands and first kisses.

February was head over heels and him IN LOVE with me.

Best. winter. ever.

And every winter, it whispers to me across the years. I'll find myself suddenly smiling and loving the fog and the frost--for so many memories that I've nearly forgotten that come back to the surface in the dead of winter.

Who knew winter could be so warm?

Whispers.

Every year, on the first Sunday of the year, we get to change what time we go to church.

So last year was a flurry of up and out and ready by 8:15 to make the 9:00 service. Hilarity and tears often ensued.

This year, church starts at 11:00. So instead of rushing, this morning found me

sitting on the living room floor,

reading books to my children,

cutting out pictures of Jesus to look at during church,

and playing with bouncy balls and laughing our heads off.

And a tiny voice whispered "This is how it could be. This is how homeschooling could be."

And my heart felt a little braver.

But not yet brave enough. Not yet.

But closer.

Accounting.

Happy New Years, everyone.

This morning, I am sitting here gazing at my folder of resolutions for 2011. Thinking about what I want to do, try, fix, change, and be. But that requires some reflection on last year.

Which is why I'm sitting here looking at my original handwritten list of goals.
In so many ways, I don't feel like I accomplished anything in 2010. I am the same weight, give or take. I am still impatient, restless, and stubborn.
But I do have a couple checks to add to my list, bringing my completed total to 54.

In 2010, I became a beekeeper.
I visited Washington DC and the Smithsonian for the first time.
And I truly did improve my ability to take pictures with my point and shoot camera.

I feel blessed by those goals. I feel grateful for every check I get to add to my list, since none of them are a given.

So, what for 2011?
I don't think I'll be seeing the Himalayas this year. Tahiti isn't really realistic either. I pause over the "Have a lot of kids" goal. I'm glad I didn't specify a number. Like 9. But I don't feel like I can check it off, at 3.

I am training for Kilimanjaro, with a goal to save the money and make the climb in 2014. So that's something.

But for 2011???

My 17 year old self didn't think to add things like "Speak softly" or "Give vegetarianism a try."
Maybe this is the year to do something I haven't done and actually add some new numbers to my list...

My girls.

Yesterday, my two oldest kids requested powdered mini-donuts for breakfast on New Year's Day.

I thought, "That sounds easy. So, yes."

This morning, bright and early, Thing 1 came bounding in to our bedroom and declared "It's the great day!!!!!!" I can only hope that the same tone of "glory-be" applied to donuts for breakfast will be as evident on her own wedding day.

I got up as Thing 1 and Thing 2 danced around me in raptures and went to get the Munchkin out of her crib. She looked up at me, with her sweet eyes, and asked me if I "sleep good?" Scooping up my snuggly, bed-head baby girl, I asked her if she wanted a donut for breakfast.

She threw back her head and wailed "NOOOOOOOO! I WANT BANANA! I WANT GWAPE-FWUIT!"

And she wasn't even kidding.

This year, I wanna be more like my girls.